Thursday, September 3, 2015

Overheard at the Homestead

Wife: I was really surprised yesterday, #1 showed that he actually cares for me.
Your truly: Why, what happened?
W: I bumped my head while he and I were looking for the TV remote and he stopped and asked if I was "OK".
YT:  He was just making sure you were OK so you could make him a sandwich.
W: you're probably right

Friday, August 14, 2015

J3, Do you see a problem?

Because I f@cking* don't see the problem.
*note-I try to keep the blog PG-13... real life, not so much.

Honestly, (although my wife would likely argue otherwise) I try not to curse at all around kids, the "problem" is that its an unfuckingbelieveable paininthefuckingass and nearly imfuckingpossible when I'm constant surrounded by kids thanks to scouts, soccer, baseball,tae kwon do and the like. Not to mention they are always doing some thing (intentionally or otherwise, especially the Pink One) that drives me batfuckingshitcrazy to a point where my head is going to exfuckingplode so I snap and then... well, it's not a f@cking problem anymore, at least for me.

*deep breath* ah... parenthood!

I feel better and I now I can go home and not curse around my kids, which I expect to last about 5 f@cking minutes... if that. 

Image courtesy of Angel

works with Beer too!

image source

For all of my teacher friends...

Just a friendly reminder to drink up,  back school is only a few weeks away!

h/t to Wirecutter

Friday, August 7, 2015

A dose of fatherly advise from left field...

Well, actually it was center field... or maybe it was right field? I don't know anymore, all I know is one minute I'm practicing with #1 &  Big Red (formally known as #2) at the ball field as they took turns shagging flies, the next minute Big Red (BR) is having melt down.

a little back ground- BR gave up on little league 2 years ago, he had little interest in competitive sports. Then he came back to me mid season this year and said he wants to play next year. Ever since then he's been working on getting his game back in order. Throwing, catching, hitting, etc. He's 10 now and with not playing the last 2 years he really missed out of the important drills and instructions that one would use to develop the proper techiniques. However, he's willing to learn therefore I'm willing to teach. In the midst of all of this, #1 is excelling at baseball (after the broken arm healed) and he showing the signs of someone who has played ball since he was 5. He plays 3 seasons a year, is involved with Little League, a travel team, played in various tournaments and even went played in Cooperstown. There is no comparison to the two boys. One who hasn't played in 2 years and one that hasn't stopped playing in 7 years.

Anyway... back to the field.
They are taking turns, #1 is showing off his best Brett Gardner skills, BR is just trying to catch one with little success, but he is trying and although I can't tell, is getting frustrated. 
I hit one to BR and he runs to get it, it bounces off the ground then hits his glove, rolls up his arm and past him. He falls to ground in a heap and begins  
I know he's OK, I can tell by the cry that he's not hurt (physically). I get out to him and ask what's up.

Through the wails and tears I get something like:
TheonlyreasonIsaidIwantedtoplayoutfieldisbecauseIwantedtobelike#1but (snifff)hesmakingallofthecatchesandIcantcatchanythingandIllneverbelikehim...

blink, blink.

I send #1 away and calm BR down and ask him to repeat himself:
Big Red: The only reason I said I wanted to play outfield is because I wanted to be like #1, but he's making all of the catches and I can't catch anything and I'll never be like #1.... 
Yours truly: Who said I wanted you to be be like #1?
BR: But he's good at baseball!
YT: Yes he is and he worked and practiced hard to get where he is and don't forget he's also 2 years older than you and has been playing non-stop since tee ball.
BR: but I get mad, I can't catch anything.
YT:  That's why we are here, buddy. To practice, to learn, to gain confidence so when the season starts and the games are going on that you don't think about it, you know that you'll catch the ball when it comes to you and have fun playing baseball. You can't expect to walk out on that field next spring after 2 years off with no practice and think you are going to be as good as you were when you left the game or be as good as your brother. It takes time, we'll get there.
 BR: But I'll never be like him!
YT: Good, I don't want you  to be like him, I want you to be you. Let's just focus on being BR, doing our best and not worry about being like anyone else. (as #1 walks up to us I add) Besides I have enough problems dealing #1's garbage, I don't need you trying to be like him and adding to THAT pile!
#1(smirking) I know, right? 
BR: (now smiling) ok

Not sure I'm doing this right, but I'm trying... the lord knows I'm trying.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Overheard at the Coffee Shop

Cashier: Can help you? 
Wife : Two Large Coffee's please, with Cream
Cashier: That's $6.00
Since there was no attempt to open the Michael Kors purse, Yours Truly pays the bill
The wife goes to the pick up line and gets our coffee's and hands one to me.
W: Here ya go! 

YT: Thanks, although I'm not sure I should thank you since I was the one that paid for it.
W: It all comes out of the same pocket.
YT: yeah, I know, mine...

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

What's for lunch?

a left over Stuffed Pepper... or so I thought:

WTF? I come to find out #1 was foraging in the fridge (as he often does) decided that he only wanted the stuffing, but didn't bother throw away the pepper. He didn't want to waste food!

Note to self, check containers prior to packing lunch.

Friday, June 26, 2015

10 year old logic

The wife walks into the bedroom one morning while I was still in bed.

Wife: How did the dog get wet?
Yours Truly: I dunno, maybe she was rolling the grass and there was dew on it?

I check the clock and its before 7am and to my knowledge no one else is up (besides the wife).   I get up a few minutes later and see that the dog is soaked! There must be a LOT of dew on the grass! I walk outside and the grass has no dew on I check out the garden hose and it's put away but I can see someone had watered a recently planted flower that #2 brought home from school. 

I come back inside and found #2 watching TV.

YT: Did you spray the dog with water ?
#2: No
YT: Were you using the hose this morning?
#2: Yes
YT: what were you doing?
#2: Watering my flower.
YT: So did you sprayed the dog while watering your flower?
#2: No
YT: Was the dog outside when you were watering the flower?
#2: Yes
YT: So you did spray her.
#2: NO!
YT: Then how did she get wet?
#2: I was watering the flower and she kept walking in front of me.
YT: Well why didn't tell me that you sprayed the dog when I just asked you?!?!?!!?
#2: Because I didn't spray it AT her, she walked into the spray that I was pointing at the flower.
YT: *facepalm* (count to ten) Isn't that the same thing?
#2: No, she got herself wet, I didn't mean to get her wet.

*sigh*  it was too early to argue with 10 year old logic... especially before a cup of coffee.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Where did my little slugger go?

Last night #1 played in his last little league game.... WTF? we were just playing Tee Ball!!?!?

I can't believe its over... sure, he'll keep playing ball but there is something about playing in little league.  Watching from the stands as he celebrated with his team mates the highest of high's when he hit his first home run. And comforting him in the driveway as he broke down in tears during the lowest of low's when their undefeated season was derailed by an umpire's blatant non-call.

There won't an All-Star appearance this year (he's been on the AS team the last 2 years). He broke his arm the second game of the season and was out of action for six weeks. Although he was able to come back for the last couple of games, they were not sure what kind of shape he'd be in and rightly placed someone who had played all season on the team.

After the game he didn't seem upset and he was laughing with his friends. Then as we walked off the field, I think he realized that this was the last time he'd play at this level. He started to get quiet and we drove home in silence. I parked the truck and he quietly walked toward the house. I stayed out in the drive and watched him, still in his dusty uniform.

Where did my little slugger go? 

Overheard at the Homestead

The wife was in the midst of taking her vitamins and she winced.

Wife: Sometime they go down easy, sometimes they don't...
Yours truly: (smirking) tell me about it...
Wife: oops
YT: yeah, sometimes the jokes write themselves
W: I think I'll keep my mouth shut now.
YT: Keeping your mouth shut is the reason why you have 4 kids.
W: true
YT: you know this going to turn into blog post
W: (laughing) yeah...

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

A quick test...

Apparently this is making the rounds around the internet and I thought I'd share it here:

Rumor has it  that this puzzle is part of an entrance exam for a Chinese primary school. The test is taken by 6-year-old students who don't seem to have too much trouble solving it within 20 seconds.

I actually answered it the allotted 20 seconds, although my wife would argue that it's because I have the maturity of a 6 year old.  It is actually because I've acquired the ability (after 24+ years in sales) to...

see below the page break for the answer.