Monday, March 9, 2015

Tuning it out...

Having four kids has really helped me tune out the nonsense and background noise of everyday life.

Saturday found me in the pizza place right next door to the Tae Kwon Do studio where BigRed (#2)& TPO are taking lessons. Big T is usually in tow on Saturday and he was really cranky. I soon found out that he didn't eat much of his breakfast.

Anyway, I walk in and place an order for 1 slice and tell her "not too hot, its for a little boy". Almost as soon as the woman throws it in the oven another woman behind the counter walks up and the two start bickering back and forth. Something about paper plates and right away I can tell this is on going topic... All I want is to get the pizza slice back to Big T so he will stop screaming and these two bitty's are going on and on. 

Finally several minutes of back and forth they realize I'm still standing there (not-so patiently) waiting for my slice . The one says "oops" and pulls the slice out of the oven while the other says: "You don't want to listen to us argue, do you? "

I smiled and said, " I never heard a word. I have four kids so tuning you two out was a piece of cake"

I then turned and left with Big T's slice.

Yes, it was scalding hot, he was able to eat it after it cooled 10 minutes (still screaming). No, I did not leave a tip. I plan on using the money for Advil... who am I kidding? It went towards beer.  

Friday, March 6, 2015

Funny? yes, smart? Notsomuch...

I had the following telephone conversation with my wife.

Wife: Hey I just you sent an email, there is fund raiser coming up, we can't go.
Yours truly: OK, so why did you send it to me then?
W: Because I wanted to show you were they are having it. Its for our town, but they are holding the fund raiser in another town ?!?!?  That's not right . Why couldn't they keep the money in town?
YT: Maybe we didn't have a facility available with the ammenties needed to host the event?
W; There are plenty of places, they could have worked something out.

She hangs up and I open the email... Blah, blah... food , drink, raffles. Yeah she's right, there are places in town that could have handled this event, scan down the email some more... ah ha, there's your problem right there.

I pick up the phone and call my wife back.

YT: Hey, I figured out why the the fundraiser is all screwed up.
W: yeah, why?
YT: Its being run by a woman...
(click)

 I don't think its going to be as warm for me as the weatherman had predicted this weekend.

filed under: Funny? yes. Smart? definitely not.





Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Quote of the day *UPDATE*

2/26- UPDATE: CHARGES DROPPED
Glad to see some one used a bit of common sense here in the Garden State

"Apparently there must be a lot of drive-by flintlock shootings in North Jersey."
- Gordon Van Gilder

After he was arrested for possession of a Queen Anne flintlock from 1760. It was Unloaded, wrapped in a cloth in glove compartment. He had recently bought for his antique collection.

Quote of the day part deux:

“I called the prosecutor to see what we could do on this, and the prosecutor told me that they were waiting for ballistics," Nappen said incredulously. "And I’m thinking, ‘What? Ballistics on a flintlock?'"- Attorney for Mr. Van Gilder

Only. In. Jersey.

story here

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Overheard at the office

A co-worker sends me an recipe for rub and dipping sauce for grilled steak, unsolicited.

Yours Truly: Hey, Thanks, that looks good !
Co-worker: yeah , I figured you'd like that.
YT: I'm going to have to fire-up the grill this weekend to give it a try.
CW: ohh.. I wish I could do that, my grill is snowed in and I don't want to shovel a path on my deck to the grill. (using his hands to show the depth of the snow is about 18-20") Maybe in the Spring I'll make it.
YT: (blink,blink) dude... do you even have a man card?
CW: uhh... yeah, I think its in the grill.


 get yours here

Friday, January 30, 2015

Overheard at the Office

Lunch room
Passive aggressive hippy co-worker: Here's the fruit!
Yours truly: and look, she's brought clementines 
(chuckles from other co-workers)
PAHC: What, Did I miss something? Did something go over my head? 
YT: Nothing more than usual.

Sorry for the month long hiatus... there was plenty going on, I just wasn't inspired to post. 


Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Merry Christmas!

I'll be heading out for the Christmas Holiday shortly and just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas!

source

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Say What? Part 1 in a series

Some excerpts from things that my wife and I have said to our kids recently:

Don't throw your brother!

Stop shooting the dog!

No, you can't put your tongue on the window. 


I hope to make this an on going series of posts but the fact is they happen so often that I lose track of what is said. 

Overheard at the Homestead

#2 walks out of the kitchen and I couldn't help but notice his jeans looked a little tight.

Yours Truly: Are you sure those pants fit him?
Wife: They're a size 14
YT: He just turned 10, he can't be in a size 16
W: They don't make a size 16
YT: So what size comes next?
W; I don't know, you're a boy, what comes after 14?
YT: Girls...

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Donny...

They gave you 3 months, you made it a year...

Rest in Peace my friend.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the entire Mueller family.

From the Summer 2014, Donny is on the Bass and his 12 year old son, DJ, is on the drums...








Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Never underestimate the Power of the Elf




I walk into  the family room last night and find a doll crib that belongs to the The Pink One in the middle of the floor, broken... It wasn't like that yesterday as I cleaned up and put it away last night.
#1 & #2 are in the room playing XBOX,
Yours truly : You guys know what happened to this doll crib?
Both turn and look and say they haven't an idea, not surprising. I know they have nothing do with it so I pick up the pieces and bring it in the kitchen.
Wife: What the heck happened to that? It wasn't like that yesterday !
YT: I know...

We call Big T and TPO into the kitchen and begin the interrogation.
Wife: How did this break? 
The Pink One: T broke it, he was playing and sat on it.
She then went on to point out to were he sat on it and how it broke. Her explanation seemed reasonable and detailed, so I turned to Big T to see what he had to say, which wasn't much: 

YT: Is that true, Did you break it?

Big T: No I didn't
YT: T, You are not in trouble, we just want to know what happened. Did you break this?
Big T: NO
Wife: Are you sure?
Big T: I didn't break it !
YT: OK, Do you know what happened?
Big T: No.

We're not getting anywhere and since its and old toy that needed to be replaced anyway I don't want to make a huge deal out of it, so I decide to cut my loses and end the conversation interrogation with: 

YT: Well, you guys know that the Elves, Tinsel & Snowflake* are watching, so they'll report back to Santa tonight and let him know what happened. I guess we will find out who broke it on Christmas morning because Santa doesn't leave presents for boys & girls on the naughty list.

I go to walk away and all of a sudden behind me I hear TPO bursts out in tears and screams. I turn back around and she is hysterical, so much so I think that she hurt. I look at her and ask, "What Happened, What's wrong? " With that she runs to mommy crying that she was the one that broke it and she's sorry from breaking the toy and then lying and trying blame it on Big T.

I was floored as I said it in passing not expecting any response much less hysterics. Not to mention I really didn't think it was her that broke her own toy. My wife could barely contain her smile and giggles as she tried to comfort TPO and reassure her that it was OK, because the elves saw that she told the truth.

My wife & I joked later that it was too bad that we can only use those elves for one month out of the year, because they would solve a lot mysteries around our house. 


*yes, we have two because we HAD to have a boy & a girl elf...*sigh* You try to say no to your (at the time) 4 year old daughter when she's got a tear in her eye and tells you that her 3 brothers get everything for boys.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Sounds about right...

You are a: Conservative Libertarian Isolationist Nationalist Moderate

Collectivism score: -50%
Authoritarianism score: -50%
Internationalism score: -50%
Tribalism score: 33%
Liberalism score: 0%


Via Borepatch... my results form an interesting quiz.